We all know what fat shaming is. But what is body shaming? It’s been something that’s been talked a lot in the last few years. How harmful is it, really? Despite all the attention on body issues, it still seems like people don’t take it seriously. It still occurs all the time.
The body positivity movement has made a lot of gains and people are a little more educated about this issue now, there are more people challenging society’s perception of the “ideal” body type. People like Lizzo, La’Shaunae Steward and Barbie Ferreira are just a few examples of popular body-positive figures and models.
There is still a long way to go. This 2019 survey conducted by the Mental Health Foundation with YouGov found that “one in five adults (20%) felt shame, just over one third (34%) felt down or low, and 19% felt disguste because of their body image in the last year.”
Contents
The Problem With Body Shaming
I see body shaming on the internet every day. In fact, it was something I saw a few weeks ago online that really made me angry. The reason I wrote this post is because I saw this headline on the BBC front page:
Rebecca Adlington: Former Olympic champion on online abuse and body image problems
I was a bit confused. What kind of abuse did she face? Why would she have body image problems? I was curious about her struggles. The article said:
Adlington, 31, shot to prominence at the 2008 Games in Beijing, with wins in the 400m and 800m freestyle.
But she soon became a target for abuse because of her appearance and, when she collected an OBE the following year, she was told “you look like a whale” when the pictures were released.
“I don’t have any photos up of that day in my house,” Adlington said.
I was shocked — how could someone call her a “whale”? She was an Olympic athlete! The OBE was a year later, so why would someone say something like that? I know the internet is cruel, but there had to be something unusual. Of course, there is no justification for insulting someone like this, but I wondered what the reason was: maybe the dress was really unflattering or something? I looked up the picture of that day to see what people were talking about and this is what I saw.
This was the picture.
People trolled her and called her fat because of this picture. I just couldn’t believe it.
If that’s what you call a “whale” then what the hell am I?! Or most women out there? Society and especially the internet have an extremely distorted view of what a woman’s body should look like. Just reading that made me feel sad. They bullied her so badly that she can’t look at pictures of herself from such an important and, what was supposed to be, a proud occasion. I was disgusted.
What is body shaming?
The term body shaming or fat shaming feels like a relatively new one. We’ve recently seen the rise of the body positivity movement which promotes empowerment for people of all shapes and sizes, as briefly mentioned above. The movement is all about recognising and appreciating all kinds of bodies regardless of size, appearance, race or gender. It is the answer to body shaming; a way to fight back against society’s views of what the “ideal” body should look like.
Body shaming means what the words say: shaming or mocking a person’s body or appearance. Fat shaming is a form of body shaming, but shaming others for how thin they are or for any other way their body looks also falls under body shaming. People who don’t fit the mould for whatever reason are often shamed for the way they look.
What is considered body shaming is a lot broader than you think. It’s not just in connection with people who are bigger than the “ideal” size. I didn’t know you could “thin shame” people, but that is a form of body shaming too.
What are some examples of body shaming?
I’ve already mentioned Rebecca Adlington as a direct example, but body shaming happens all the time and everywhere. Some casual every day examples:
- “Have you lost weight? You look great!”
- “Are you pregnant?”
- “You need more meat on those bones”
- “Don’t lose too much weight, you’ll disappear!”
- “Real women have curves”
- “I think you just need to [eat more][eat less][diet][exercise][insert unsolicited advice here]”
- “He’s a bit thin for a guy”
I’ve heard a few of these comments throughout my life — and I’m sure you have too.
My experience with body shaming
After I got married, I gained about 20 kgs. A combination of wedding pressure, newlywed life, work stress and depression resulted in me binge eating and gaining an alarming amount of weight over a relatively short period of time (2 years).
I knew I had gained weight and I knew my lifestyle was unhealthy. I didn’t need people to make comments, I was already ashamed of myself. The comments people threw at me just made everything worse. My parents kept pressuring me to lose weight, they told me it didn’t look good, a family member asked if I was pregnant, I received constant unwanted advice about what diet I should follow and how I needed to exercise. Hearing all of those things just made me feel even worse and made me feel like binge eating even more.
After my mother suggested I go to a nutritionist for the 10th time, I finally decided to take her advice and I started a healthy meal plan and lost most of the extra weight I put on. I didn’t starve myself, I learned what to eat and how to eat right.
My family were delighted and I got so many compliments at the next family wedding, “wow you lost so much weight, Amna. You look great!”
I would smile and thank them, but it always made me feel uneasy and a little resentful. I wasn’t good enough when I was overweight? I didn’t look great just because I was fat? Why was I less worthy because I didn’t look a certain way? I felt less “lovable” because of the way I looked. Why does my appearance matter so much to my own family?
We may think it’s a compliment when someone says, “Have you lost weight?” but this implies that being thin is good and being “heavier” is not. We shouldn’t be valuing people by the way they look. Weight loss can often be a sign that something else is wrong.
What are the effects of body shaming?
Body shaming is harmful. It’s probably more harmful than most people realise. How can body shaming affect you? Well, it can cause serious anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and maybe most concerning: an eating disorder.
Higher body dissatisfaction is associated with a poorer quality of life, psychological distress and the risk of unhealthy eating behaviours and eating disorders.
Mental Health Foundation
While I’ve lost most of the newlywed weight now, I still have a few more kilos to lose to reach my pre-wedding weight and my previous size. Even so, I still avoid looking in the mirror and dread going on the scale. I can’t actually look at myself in the mirror for more than a few seconds. I don’t feel “pretty” anymore and I sometimes feel embarrassed about my appearance.
I have to try really hard to ignore the negative thoughts that pop into my mind every time I put my clothes on or look in the mirror. I am able to avoid dwelling on these thoughts but it takes a lot of effort.
Body shaming and Social Media
With body shaming so ingrained in our society, it is really difficult to be satisfied with our appearance. Being on social media every day and being bombarded with pictures of perfect lives, perfect faces and perfect bodies can really affect your mental health and self confidence.
When I was around 18 I had just joined Twitter, and while browsing one day I saw some tweets about “thigh gaps”. I was confused, what is that? After looking into it I realised that, apparently, you’re “supposed” to have a gap in between your upper thighs when standing up. I definitely did not have one. I remember feeling really sad and self conscious about it, it was something I had no idea was even a “thing”. Every time I looked in the mirror after that I tried to find the gap or wonder how much weight I would need to lose to get one.
I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a thigh gap. The reality is that I have never had one and never will because of my body shape.
I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have a thigh gap. The reality is that I have never had one and never will because of my body shape.
It’s a difficult thing to deal with at 18, I was just coming out of my turbulent teenage years that were already filled with insecurity and body image issues. I was finding my feet and starting to build my confidence and self love. Things like that just crushed my self esteem and self worth. I felt “wrong”.
There are a few more examples like that (some more recent that I discovered) but I won’t go into it because I think it can be hurtful to people (like it was to me). Society idealises a certain body shape and size and there is no way the majority of us can look like that. There is no one “look” that is beautiful – beauty is subjective and every person will have a different opinion on what is beautiful. It also depends on so many factors; cultural ideas around beauty vary wildly and they are always changing.
Men and Body Shaming
Body shaming is not limited to women either. I remember when I was a lot younger, one of my male friends told me he felt pressured because of all the guys with six-packs splashed all over magazines. I was slightly confused, guys also experience low body confidence? That’s not true is it? Turns out, they do!
Recent research by the Be Real campaign shows that over 80% of students aged 11 to 16 (boys and girls) had concerns about their looks. In another study, 90% of boys in middle and high school said they were exercising with the goal of “bulking up”. It’s not a problem limited to women or limited to weight issues.
How do you deal with body shaming?
Body shaming is a problem and it’s not going away any time soon. I’ve dealt with body image issues since I can remember and have learned over the years to grow confident and comfortable in my skin, but it still exists within me and it’s something I have to manage.
I’ve set out below a short list of some tips to overcome body shaming and body image issues. Practicing these every day will help you increase your self confidence and find more resilience when facing these situations.
- Positive affirmations: remind yourself that you are a wonderful person the way you are — self talk helps (try it!).
- Have a look in the mirror and name the parts of your body or face that you like. Say them out loud and why you like those parts. Be kind to yourself.
- When negative thoughts pop into your head, accept them but recognise they are just thoughts. Don’t judge yourself, just observe your thoughts.
- If it’s social media that’s triggering you, take a break. Stop following accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, mute friends that stir up negative emotions.
- Remind yourself your feelings are valid and it’s natural to feel upset by hurtful comments. You may feel upset, but you can work through it.
- Seek help if your feelings get in the way of your daily life. There are a lot of resources out there and people ready to help and listen.
Body satisfaction and appreciation has been linked to better overall wellbeing and fewer unhealthy dieting behaviours.
Mental Health Foundation
One thing that I learned from reading Rebecca Adlington’s experience is that it doesn’t matter how “good” you look, someone will ALWAYS find something to criticise. Don’t forget that!
Islam and body image issues
When facing difficulties like this I usually turn to religion for guidance and solace. In Islam, we are taught that we should appreciate our bodies and appearance because it is what God gave us — He made us the way we are. Many Muslims frown upon plastic surgery and other cosmetic procedures because they believe we should not change our God-given attributes.
Another important Islamic tenet is that we should not be so focused on the physical, material world (deen over dunya). Placing such importance on something so fleeting is not correct and it is clear why this has been emphasised so strongly in Islam.
Interestingly, in a study comparing body image views between Muslim, Christian and atheist women it was shown that modest Muslim women had a more positive body image than other women. The study found that “veiled Muslim women reported lower levels of thin-ideal internalisation, pressure to be thin, and physical appearance comparisons”.
The study considered that veiling might positively influence body image in the longer term, but it also found that there wasn’t a difference between body perception of veiled and non-veiled Muslim women. This indicates that Islam itself may be more fundamental in positive body image in general. This goes to show that focusing on religion or a greater purpose not connected to the material world can help us change our perspective on physical appearance and think more about things that actually matter.
Be Real
Low body confidence is harming so many people. People of different ages and different body types. It’s important that we, as a society, work to change our attitudes around body image. It’s important that we stop focusing so much on appearances and prioritise our health.
This post is one of the steps I’m taking to help change attitudes about our bodies. I also just signed #IPledgeToBeReal because it’s time we take back control of how we feel about our bodies. One by one, if we all do a little bit, we can each do our part to change the conversation and become body positive.
Have you experienced body shaming? Tell me about your experience and spread the word!
The #BeReal campaign has a great page of resources if you need help with body confidence.
If you have or may think you have an eating disorder or know a family member or friend that might, help is available. If you are in the UK, contact Beat on 0808 801 0677 or visit their website to access their webchat.
If you think you may need to talk to someone or otherwise need professional help, please visit the NHS website where you can self-refer for a talking therapy service.
Body shaming is so sad. I can’t imagine the poor olympian being called a whale. There are so many cruel people in the world. I really like how you gave examples of more subtle body shaming phrases.
Great post! Body shaming has become so common that a lot of people think it’s just common practice, but it shouldn’t be. It’s not about how you look, it’s about how you feel. To all those people who shamed Rebecca Adlington, ‘where’s your Olympic gold medal?’
All the best, Michelle
Love this post – I was always on the ‘scrawny’ side, and people constantly told me that, or did it positively in a way that felt negative. I’m planning a post on body confidence in the next few weeks because it’s so important!
I feel like we don’t talk much about “thin shaming” as well, I didn’t realise it was body shaming until relatively recently. I look forward to checking out your post!
I’ve had comments (nasty ones) about my body all my life and it was such a huge relief when I lost weight and people finally commented positively on it. However, I think I’ll always hear the nasty ones in the back of my mind. Through all of it though, I decided to make up and keep making up my own mind about my body and since then my feelings about it are a lot more stable. We shouldn’t hang so much of our self-esteem up on the opinions of others, but it’s only natural that we do. It’s a very difficult topic therefore.
I totally agree, we shouldn’t hold people’s opinions so highly but it is really difficult to stop! It’s hard to forget the nasty comments, but I’m glad that you found a way to feel more stable and make your mind up on your body. Thanks for your thoughts!
It’s easy to forget how easily body shaming can occur.
I remember when I was younger, someone called me fat and lazy. I took it so personally. I have PCOS, so weight is a huge issue for me, especially now days. I have carried that throw away comment with me for many, many years and have never gotten over it. The person who said it though, they have no idea how much it hurt me, nor how easily a simple comment can harm somebody.
That’s awful! I have so many family members that have PCOS and it’s super difficult. It’s so hard to get those nasty comments out of our minds and unfortunately, they are the stickiest. I wrote about how for every negative comment we need about 5 positive comments to overcome the effects of negative comments.Thanks for providing your insight 🙂
I agree with you that body shaming is dangerous. For the person experiencing it, but also for anyone who witnesses it, too, because it reinforces that way of thinking. I have struggled with weight all of my life, and I really appreciate the influence of people like Lizzo and campaigns like Be Real for young women who are growing up today. Thanks for this post!
Thanks for your awesome comment! You are so right – it does really affect people witnessing it too, I know it affected me every time I saw someone body shaming someone else. Even small comments would stick in my head and make me dislike myself for the way I looked. I hope with time we can love ourselves more and accept our bodies the way they are!